Wednesday, September 12, 2007


Q: Can you add week old gazpacho to chili? It seems compatible, except for the cucumbers. And the vinegar. And the bread. And the anchovies.

A: You can, if you dump in a little extra cumin to give the chili a fighting chance. It will smell peculiar for the first 20 minutes, but then the gazpacho will finally surrender and the chili will emerge victorious. No one will be able to tell unless they hunt for bits of cucumber rind. And if they're hunting for bits of cucumber rind in their chili, you have a tough crowd and my sympathy.

Q: If you spit a cherry pit into the ocean in the vicinity of some ducks, will they race over and nibble it enthusiastically before rejecting it?

A: Yes.

Q: Will they repeat the racing, nibbling, and rejection for a second pit?

A: Yes.

Q: How many cherry pits will they race to, nibble, and spit out before they learn?

A. This question was not settled in this limited experiment. Something above seventeen.

Q: Isn't spitting cherry pits into the ocean littering? Aren't you wrecking the planet?

A: Yes.

Q: Does wading in to pick up a plastic deli container, a water bottle, and four cigarette butts make up for spitting seventeen cherry pits into the ocean?

A. Yes. Now put a cork in it.

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